McCain’s Housing Plan? Spells —–DISASTER

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Buy This House For No Money Down!!! WTF???

Dear America,

American Made Means American’s Are Paid

Forgive me, but am I the only Republican that thinks that John McCain sounded like an out of touch idiot last night. It was like we are truly admitting we live in a Confederacy of Dunces. John McCain’s “shoot from the hip” Maverick plan last night – “his recovery plan” – was for the government to buy back the houses from the people that bought them and financed them at a value that they could not afford – only to revalue them and then let them stay in their houses. Wake Up! This housing financial crisis was caused NOT because housing prices are too high – it was caused because financial institutions were loaning money (and large amounts of money) to people that could not afford to pay that amount of money back. How could someone finance a home’s for more than 2 1/2 times their annual income. Where in the heck were the financial calculators?

The housing price run up affected everyone. Not just the people that now can’t afford their homes. It was caused by the stars and producers of shows like “Flip This House” or “Flipping Out”. It was caused by infomercials running late at night that sell people up that late (the night shift) that they too can be millionaires by buying real estate for “No MONEY DOWN” and then selling it for a profit. It was caused by the mortgage broker that told people that they could finance their house for 110% percent of it’s value because he was in cahoots with the Appraisal Guy down the street that would be aggressive. It was caused by developers in Urban Areas building Condos (the snooty word in my mind for “apartment”) and speculative selling them for prices that far outweighed the value because Donald Trump’s name was attached – you know “his brand”. It was caused by the “MARKET” of California where people would bid up a house’s value and then got financing for the house over and above what the seller was originally asking. When houses go on the market in California – a “range” is displayed…not the sales price…what in the heck? As big as California is – how can a banker justify that a 1,500 square foot house is $1.499M? Granted, they put some nice floors and countertops in but $1.5M? That’s just insanity. You know to be as dillusional to pay $1.499M for a 2 Bedroom house, you’ve got to be qualified for a Sub-Prime Mortgage.

So, Now John McCain’s plan is to “reevaluate” the price of that house and then let the stressed out homeowner (with a “sub-prime) mortgage refinance the mortgage for a new value? Is that fair to me? No – it’s not. I’m also not going to pay $1.499M, let alone $200,000 to live in a “supposively breathtaking” 1,500 square foot 2 Bathroom/2 Bedroom House. The price is what’s breathtaking! Here’s the $1.499,000 house for sale – 1611 Benedict Canyon Drive, Beverly Hills, 90210. 2Br/2BA Gorgeous, but Really? If you are interested in this house, contact Connie DeGroot. She’s a hot agent with a good picture and I’m sure she’d pull up in her fabulous car with Premium Gasoline. Here’s another $1,500,000 house for sale – and if you say “Location, Location, Location”, then obviously you are truly thinking that one day you’ll be able to afford this beauty….$60,000,000 dollar house. People that can afford houses that are mortgaged for $200,000 need to make $80,000/year. Every $200K of value of a house has to have $80K/income. Therefore, someone that is living in a million dollar house needs to bring home $400K/year. $1.5M means…you betcha Sarah Palin…$600K. In Los Angeles, Santa Monica, and Beverly Hills alone there are over 2,000 houses for sale in excess of $1M.

So I’ve done a little research. Number of Houses for Sale in Major Metropolitan areas in excess of $1M

San Francisco 828

Austin 477

Denver 707

Aspen 483

Dallas 818

Houston 767

Atlanta 1,693

Beverly Hills 290

Santa Monica 213

Los Angeles 1,832

Chicago 1,489

New York City 1,258

If there are 100,000,000 households in the U.S. and 1% of the U.S. economy makes in excess of $400,000 per year….that means there is only capacity for 1,000,000 houses valued in excess of $1,000,000. According to an Article in Wall Street Week/Fortune in 2001, there were only 7,000 U.S. households that made in excess of $10,000,000 a year. That’s .00007% of the US households. Virtually nobody.

Realtor.com doesn’t allow me to get a number of the number of U.S. houses on the market valued in excess of $1,000,000, but what I was able to pull was alarming. There is a road that my husband and three children drive along on our way to mass each Sunday and the houses are DREAMY. Big, Stunning, Beautiful houses. Old oak trees, blooming gardens, and security systems. I would safely guestimate that there are 40 houses/estates along this one stretch of road that lasts about one mile. None we can afford – ever in our wildest dreams. This one that I highlight this post is for sale for $3.495 million dollars and sits on 1.5 acres. There are at least 30 houses for sale . This isn’t good. Even the Uber Rich can’t afford to be Uber Rich anymore that. Mr. R would need to bring home $1.2Million dollars PER YEAR to afford that payment? No thank you. If the weathy are taxed at 50% (let’s say) then he’d bring home $600K of that….That would make $50K/month. $20K/month would be going to the mortgage payment, taxes, and insurance on that beauty…with 20% down. Unimaginable for 99.99% of America.

American Made Means Americans Are Paid

Our Great Nation needs to stop thinking that we can make a quick buck by not working a honest hour. Our nation was built on the ability for our WORKERS to work an honest day for an honest wage. We now outsource all manufacturing and we’re all “managers”. Everyone “goes to college”. ..College graduates don’t work in factories, and now, since everyone has a divine right to go to college – guess what – China is manufacturing all of our products – and our country is running a $500B loan to them. We OWE CHINA OVER $500 Billion dollars! Their factory worker in the Wal-mart manufacturing facility gets paid – ARE YOU READY? – $3.00/PER WEEK. The boys in Jonesboro, Arkansas are all “managing” this – and our dresses and closets are overrun with cheap clothing that was manufactured in China….So then, when we’re done with it – we put it in a dump or we sell it on EBay.com (God forbid your neighborhood lets you have a Yard Sale – College educated neighborhoods don’t have Yard Sales – We donate to the Salvation Army.)

One thing I learned during by brilliant career (that neither of our candidates have a business background) was that clothing manufactured in a factory is typically made out of the same fabric, same pattern, same thread, same buttons. The corporation buys the “design” and then sews their brand label onto the item of clothing. A pair a Kacki pants sold at Dillard’s with the label “Savannah” are the exact same pair of pants that have the label “Duck Head” are the exact same pair of pants that say “Yves St. Laurent” and are sold at Needless Markup. The pricing is different – but regardless if the label says “Made in China” or “Made in Bangladesh” or “Made with Pride in the U.S.A” chances are it’s a non-college educated Rapunzel sitting at a sewing machine cranking out that pair of slacks….thousands of them a day. What makes them different is the label sewn on the ass or the embroidery stitched on the back pockets…We care about what people think we paid because that makes them think we’re “rich”.

We shouldn’t buy houses we can’t afford – A HOUSE IS A HOUSE – A PAID OFF HOUSE IS YOURS.

We shouldn’t charge items that we can’t afford.

Your Land Rover doesn’t really need Premium Gasoline. And why in the hell do you need to drive a Land Rover or Hummer anyway? My 2002 minivan is paid for and I’m solving my energy crisis by walking my kids to school and waiting for Michigan to build me an electric one. I’m not fond of American Made cars, but if I have to purchase one made in the U.S. in order to create homeland jobs, I think that’s an investment in my children’s future and not Hong Kong’s kids. I’m not buying a Suburban either. It’s a gas guzzler, and I’m sick of spending $100/week towards getting my kids food on the table instead of into their college fund.

We should look at where the item is MADE in order to create Jobs in the U.S. If Wal-mart’s cheap clothing made in China wasn’t making them billionaires – they wouldn’t manufacture it in China. I’m making a commitment to purchase my cars manufactured in the U.S. The rest of America should too. I’m looking in my clothing labels too. If American’s are too educated to make it, then lets let the Mexicans crossing the border work in our factories for a fair wage and tax them since we’re providing them health care anyway.

Wake up John McCain. Wake Up Barrack Obama. We can’t bail out the first to fail, and we can’t give everyone THE BIG FREE. Government needs to back off and stop spending money it’s not making.

If the $500Billion dollar loan is Due to China – that means every U.S. Citizen, man, woman, child owes $1500 to CHINA! China’s factory workers make $156/YEAR! How much did Wal-Mart profit from cheap labor and our “I want it cheap and I want it now so I’m charging it on my Wal-Mart credit card” mentality?

The $700Billion dollars the US just bailed the banks out with means that every U.S. citizen, man, woman, child just paid another $2000.00

The $5 Trillion dollar US deficit means that every U.S. citizen owes an additional $14,285

Stop buying crap to fill up your closet because you are too lazy to do the laundry.

Look at the labels and put your money into the U.S. economy and create U.S. jobs.

A family of 5 (mine) now owes $17,785.00 to get us out of this mess.

I can’t sell my house to do it because the guy next door couldn’t afford his in the first place and I don’t want John McCain to bail him out either and I don’t want Barrack Obama to regulate it…not to mention…The Fence Issue .Which is certainly the only thing that I’d like government to regulate….

Accept RESPONSIBILITY.

Be Happy With What You Have, Where You Are, With the Skin That You’re In

His Needs Her Needs. Peter Cook Spills His Guts and Christie is Pissed.

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Of Course a 19 Year old is going to make an old dude feel like Superman!  His wife uses the same bathroom!

It’s not good to air your laundry on the front lawn, unless you are at the beach and it’s towels. I suppose living in the Hampton’s qualifies as living at the beach, so confusion sets in…. however, I take a deep sigh, and although I don’t agree with cheating on your spouse with a 19 year old when you’re marriage is in a lull, I wouldn’t be caught dead discussing it on national TV (it’s too Denise Richards for my taste and America’s pallet), and I’m totally against airing your dirt in a disgusting court room to fight over who gets to see the children more (or have more blame to screwing them up in the long run), I’m glad to hear that Peter Cook is admitting to what millions of married couples ignore every day… they are taking each other for granted and they were on a slow drive down the dead end road of Unsatisfied Street.

Peter Cook, a wealthy man, with a hot supermodel wife, had from the book cover what everyone wishes they had. However, I think that when he opens his book from his perspective, what the footnotes reveal is that it wasn’t that he was addicted to online porn or masturbation, or that he eventually ended up screwing a 19 year old, but although he was a Master of The Universe from the world’s perspective, he felt like he was just a means to an end…an accessory…to his spouses ideal lifestyle and he felt it was a thankless job. He didn’t feel needed.

The 19 year old just made him feel like “Superman”, and the “Supermodel” made him feel like a money tree.

I have friends that are going through a similar, yet less superfabulous, ordeal. They are the best of friends, and both stunningly gorgeous, but totally disconnected in terms of appreciation of one another and are both failing miserably in terms of making the other spouse happy. The husband is failing the wife in what she expects from him, and the wife is failing the husband because she can’t solve their financial crisis.

Financial crisis is self-engineered. They can’t sell any of their houses which they’ve mortgaged their financial shortfalls (both lifestyle and inherited parental behavior) over the past 10 years of their marriage…well, he’s been procrastinating putting anything on the market because the truth of being over mortgaged is just to revealing, and their credit is destroyed because he’s paid bills late so many times that they’d never re-qualify for another mortgage. So now they are over mortgaged, over credit carded, and over extended….Wachovia just put a call on their line of credit and they are cashless to pay it back and equity-less to finance it. Financial ruin.

To add icing to this meltdown pie, She wants sex. He wants a job that makes him feel like a master of the universe. She wants to come home from work with a picked up house and the kids under control. He wants her to tell him he’s amazing and he should have any job that he sees posted for twice as much as they want to pay – not just the job that get him in the door.

Last winter, she gets a bonus. He pays the bills, she gets a fresh set of titties, and he borrows money from a friend. They go lingerie shopping to get her new bras and matching panties. The houses sit – messy, with no for sale signs in the windows – and their children are a fantastic mess of chaos and uneasiness. They drop out of socializing with our family.

I’ve been a bystander for the past 15 months wondering how they are financing their lifestyle and she’s affording True Religion jeans.

Months go by. He handles all of the bills. Her credit card gets declined when she checking into a hotel on a business trip. He confesses to borrowing money from a friend. She’s mortified. She tells him that he’s disappointed her, and that he’s failing his family. He tells her he can’t imagine making love to her since she thinks that he’s such a disappointment. It’s October now, the last time he had sex with her was May. She buys sexy lingerie that she can’t afford to get his attention. Nothing. He tells my husband she’s gotten a Brazilian and he’s convinced she’s cheating. They get a loan on his car.

She wants him to cook dinner and do the laundry so that in the chaos of their world the house is a sanctuary. He’s ordered out and charged it because the three kids are exhausting and their home is overrun with dirty laundry, dishes, and trash bins.

He thinks she’s cheating on him – but she’s not – and on and on and on it goes. Candice Bushnell couldn’t write any more reality than this one.

They are at the end of their relationship before the financial crisis that all of America is facing truly tears it apart. Besides being bankrupt, She’s done and he’s clueless.

When John and I first got married I didn’t think that we’d make it two months. He came home with a book the week of Thanksgiving called, “His Needs, Her Needs” and told me that he’s like me to read it… I read it and was So pissed and we didn’t speak for the next week and I seriously considered annulling the marriage…

What in the hell was wrong with him? Couldn’t we just be married, happy, and best friends? But ten years later, I specifically remember some of those points that the book discusses that I counsel marriage after failing marriage in terms of fixing what’s wrong…It was the best book I could have ever read as an equal participant and owner in my marriage.

  1. 1.What do you need him to do? What does he need you to do?

  2. 2.How do you show him you love him? How does he show that he loves you?

  3. 3.How do you need him to show you that he loves you?

  4. 4.How does he need you to show him that you love him?

  5. 5.If he needs sex….give it to him, as often as he needs it.

  6. 6.If you need to be told that you’re gorgeous…make sure he knows that he needs to tell you that.  If you need sex….tell him. If your spouse needs dinner on the table and the house picked up after working all day to provide for the family, then do your part and provide for your spouse in return.

  7. 7.Thank you goes both ways. Say it. Say it often.

  8. 8.Know the expectations, and make sure you meet them.

  9. 9.If you don’t give your spouse what they need, you can’t expect that they won’t go elsewhere to get it… and you can’t act surprised or amazed if they finally decide to have someone else give it to them.

  10. 10.If you don’t know what they need, isn’t it time that you asked?

Sarah Palin and the Dinosaurs

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Religion needs to steer clear regarding rights and not mix them with beliefs.

I’m concerned.

I’m a concerned mother, wife, daughter, grand-daughter, and future grand-mother.

Sarah Palin has an issue with the Dinosaurs and it has something to do with her RELIGION. A lot of her views have something to do with her religion, and I am a true believer of keeping church out of government.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t say the Pledge…because we should. It stands for the foundation of our Nation.

I’m not saying that our government shouldn’t observe Religious Holidays…because we should…All Religions…

And I’m not saying that our schools (government run) shouldn’t teach creationism along with evolution…because we should (as Alternative Thoughts…the same with fundamentals of ALL religions…including Mormons, Christians, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, etc…it just gives us multiple view points…

I just believe that Religion needs to steer clear regarding RIGHTS and not mix them with beliefs.

I’m personally not particularly clear (with Googling) when the dinosaurs existed, but I’m pretty certain it was more than 6,000 years ago. I’m also a Catholic. Practicing, but the Pope wouldn’t really agree with my views.

I also want to credit Tina Fey with the spot on characterization on Mrs. Palin. The Bush Doctrine? That was like the final question at the Mrs. America Beauty Pageant and Mrs. Sarah Palin failed miserably. We gave a lot of cow dung to the poor girl from South Carolina, Caitlin Upton, that blundered the map question…I personally associate Mrs. Sarah Palin’s response to the Bush Doctrine to the following…and I quote Miss Upton…

“I personally believe that us Americans

are unable to do so because Osama.

People out there

in our nation

don’t have that,

And I believe that our education

like such as south Africa and

such as the Iraq.

everywhere “such as”.

And I believe our education

should help the US

should help the south Africa

and the Iraq

and the Asian countries

so we can build up

our future.”

And Now Mrs. Palin on the Bush Doctrine…

GIBSON: Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?

PALIN: In what respect, Charlie?

GIBSON: The Bush — well, what do you — what do you interpret it to be?

PALIN: His world view.

GIBSON: No, the Bush doctrine, enunciated September 2002, before the Iraq war. PALIN: I believe that what President Bush has attempted to do is rid this world of Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way, though. There have been mistakes made. And with new leadership, and that’s the beauty of American elections, of course, and democracy, is with new leadership comes opportunity to do things better.

GIBSON: The Bush doctrine, as I understand it, is that we have the right of anticipatory self-defense, that we have the right to a preemptive strike against any other country that we think is going to attack us. Do you agree with that?

PALIN: Charlie, if there is legitimate and enough intelligence that tells us that a strike is imminent against American people, we have every right to defend our country. In fact, the president has the obligation, the duty to defend.

In simple terms, The Bush Doctrine is meant to protect the United states in a preemptive war…a strike…to protect this country from harm and terrorist attacks. What I understand from my own interpretation of the poetry reading is that Mrs. Palin thinks that we’re riding the world of Islamic extremists. My concern here is….what is the difference between Islamic Extremists and Christian Extremists and Jewish Extremists and Mormon Extremists and Buddhist Extremists and Catholic Extremists. What Mrs. Sarah Palin should have said is that the Bush Doctrine is protecting our country from whack jobs and terrorists and that we have a right to protect ourselves…so that got me thinking….

Republicans believe in minimal government involvement…”light” government.

The Republican Party won’t put a “Pro-Choice” candidate on their ballot because of the religious extremists holding on to their ticket and paying the bills. (And from an economic viewpoint, what are they really getting out of that one?)

Sarah Palin is an Evangelical Christian…wow…not that I really understand why all of these Christian religions divert from Catholicism-besides that fact that some short guy that is dead wanted a new wife…and thought that he could create his own church to do it.

Terrorists are typically extremist religious folks and most likely don’t like Women, or give them any credit for their existence…(Just ask my neighbor and his ten paces behind wife…and BTW, the signs are STILL UP, although I’ve become numb to the anger).

I’m disappointed.

I’m disappointed that Sarah Palin didn’t know better than to use one of her kids names as the password on her Yahoo! account…duh! Willow, Piper…TrigVan? It’s disgusting. Mr. R’s old company broke into his Google account and had that info, and it’s just so gross – but really, Sarah…you’re going for the big button clearance. Certainly you should have a password that is more complicated!

You know, I stopped my brilliant career for my family, and we’re not in crisis. Sometime you lay low when you’ve got ‘issues’. Timing is everything.

I’m disappointed that Sarah Palin is under investigation for the Police Dude’s firing…and yes, if he screwed over my sister, I’d do that same thing…

I’m disappointed that the Republican Party couldn’t find SOMEONE else…someone that didn’t have so much dirty laundry out there.

It’s not about experience. It’s not about her being the first Republican VP candidate that’s a woman (yeah! Best move by McCain yet), I’ll give it to her, she’s my idol. I’d love to be a governor in eight years after paying my dues as a dutiful wife and mother…start as the Mayor of Suburbia…perfect. I’m proud of John McCain for having the brilliance to get her on his resurrected ticket. I’m just disappointed.

Disappointed in the economy. Disappointed in the Presidential candidates.

Disappointed that the Republican VP candidate doesn’t have the strength of her intelligence to believe that the dinosaurs were around 200 million years ago. Sarah Palin is off by 199,994,000 years.

I was fired up when I heard that McCain had put a woman on the ticket. Now I feel that I’m back to the tallest midget contest. What’s the point?

BTW, the OMAMA ads below…I have NO control over that, although if you Click them, I’ll get paid…and AIG will take 40%…

Stay at Home Mom, Beth Robinson, Snubbed at DNC

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When is the Stay At Home Mom coming? And then…here she appeared.

Where Did she GO????

I’m just sayin’….

I literally sat on my couch watching CNN, surviving through Bill Clinton’s speech on “Why I should vote for Obama”, and waited for the “Stay at Home Mom”, Beth Robinson, to speak. She got a Prime Time Spot! Whoo Hoo. Tell it girl!

I thought, “yeah, maybe she’ll sway me…”. So I listened to Bill, which was advertised as 10 minutes and swept to 30 minutes. Bill was a young, Vibrant, and relatable President. He was HUMAN. His speech wasn’t real. It was like he had an agenda and had a guy in a smokey room threatening to cut off his ass posse if he didn’t set it straight. At times, it was hypocritcal. Why would you say that someone other than your wife (who also ran) was the best person for the job rather than saying, “It’s time for the Democratic Party to Unite and get the Republican Policies out of Office” Saying someone else was better for the job…Bullshit. He can’t POSSIBLY believe that? Hillary? She’s put up with his cheating ass for their entire marriage!

Bill ends…I was humored that he went over his allotted time…I was proud. No one puts Billy in the corner…

When is the Stay At Home Mom coming? And then…here she appeared.

Where Did she GO????

CNN: James Carville and Andersen Gloria Vanderbilt Cooper pontificating on Bill’s Speach. Stay at Home Mom begins her speech in the background.

Quick I say, “John, go to FOX!!!”

FOX: Sean Hannity and Karl Rove chumming it up. Mom in the background…

Quick I say, “John, go Back”

He clicks to CSPAN. There she is. Speaking. She kept to her alloted 10 minutes. Nothing earth shattering, but “stay at home mom” had a slot and she was slighted.

Click back to FOX…still going on about “Wonderful Bill I cheated and I got caught and I’m now unifying the party as my wife and daughter grimace at the bullshit I am spewing about supporting Obama Clinton”…Who actually believes this are the same people that believe that having oral sex is not having “sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky”.

Click back to CNN…Gloria Vanderbilt Cooper is listening to Bill’s boy Carville I want to have him for dinner talk about slinging it back with a bunch of hookers on the bayou…(just kidding, but you get my point)…

Kerry approaches the podium…let’s listen to John Kerry…the men stop speaking. I don’t particularly care about John Kerry at this point.

So now, Kerry’s factoid on CNN is that “Kerry endorsed Obama while Edwards was still in the race”. What? Do they just all know that they are whore mongering politicians and it should come as no surprise to us? Kerry…Shame on You. You don’t throw those that supported you until after they lose the race….not while they are running the marathon…

Poor Elizabeth Edwards, you are a dying wife and mother, and make the cover of People magazine because your husband is rumored to have a love child…Poor Elizabeth. If a woman did this, she’s a whore. A man…what? A politician, A business man…the guy that lives in the really big house down the street? Your husband? I’m angry about this one ladies. I seriously can’t look at any man over 40without thinking…party lines set aside.

Fox news: Al Sharpton unites his posse. On FOX? What ignorant Democrat is watching Fox News without knowing that it’s slanted Republican? Ooops..they cut off Al…he’s not on their agenda if you know what I mean….

I’m just sayin’…

And Now we wait for the VP nominee old fart “Joe I Plagerized Biden” to speak and change our lives. Didn’t he lose two other presidential elections? Isn’t he a dude that plagerized and got caught in the 90s? Shoot, in my alma mater, I’d be expelled if I was caught cheating/plagerizing…Once a liar, once a cheater…You is what you is…

I look forward to the day…give me Bobby Jindal and his VP under 50. I’ll put the red dot on my forehead and make phone calls…

Enough with these corrupt old whores what owe somebody. Ladies…this isn’t the election that we’ll change the world, but it’s coming…we just have to be quiet and persistant about it.

They’ll push their media to stop us, but there are more of us than them…lets just find one of us that will get it done. Party lines set aside. I’m neither Nor.

I’m truly undecided.

Contracting A Virus Via Facebook

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I finally get a virus…via Facebook.

One of the ways I entertain myself is via the social entity that is Facebook. It’s become a beautiful thing. I periodically and regularly check out my friends from BC (Before Children) and enjoy evening games of Scrabble, Word Challenge, and hysterical pictures from my youth (submitted by a sadistic friend). It’s fun, it’s harmless, and it is entertaining.

Last night, I received an email saying that my girlfriend, Alex, had sent me a video asking, “Is that you making love?”…now, Alex is funny. I thought, that’s weird, but it’s probably some random girl doing something funny to that Strokin’ song that everyone plays at their wedding. Just the week prior, I had shared a video of a girl attempting to Pole Dance and she knocked herself out when she tried to go vertical.

It was quite funny, and I thought, Alex was reciprocating the humor…which in the midst of the monotony which was the olympics, I appreciated.

So I clicked on the video and it said that I needed to download the latest version of Flash, and NOT THINKING and distracted by Shawn Johnson’s shortness of 4’9″ tall, I quickly clicked the video and it downloaded the codesecsomethingorother.exe file onto my computer. It was at this point that I thought, no, something’s not right here, and clicked out of the page and went back to Facebook and clicked over to my Word Challenge game to see what new score I could achieve and my 8 year old was sitting next to me ready to get started.

Then…I got popped out. I thought, hmmmm….so I logged back in, and I got a message from facebook saying that my account has been suspended by an administrator and that was that. What had I done? Well, the deal is, according to my googling research, it was a virus that attacked my friends list and Facebook had done what they needed to do…

My question is…will my account ever be reactivated in tact? I cringe at the thought that my pictures are lost, my contacts lost…my high scores are lost.

Dear Jesus that knows someone at Facebook…please have them fix this so that I’m back soon. I got an email from a girlfriend…who has the exclusive on poking me multiple times daily…wondering why I was no longer on Facebook. It’s going to be a real pain in the bootie to recreate myself, not to mention the months I’ve spent doing hits on MobWars.

No Tresspassing…This means you, behind the fence that is screwed into the tree.

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The “No Trespassing” signs he’s had customized out of cabinet doors. 

So This shit continues, and I am now to the point where it’s ridiculous.

I’m powerless beyond my own plantings. I live in a Deed Restricted community, and he doesn’t. I guess my lesson is buyer beware. I would have never purchased this house had I thought that this would be my neighbor.

Today’s addition to the fence was the creation of No Trespassing Signs…I guess Mohammad doesn’t say the Apostle’s Creed. “As we forgive those that trespass against us…”

The signs are literally right after the hidious fence. He’s tied a piece of rope around the gate to the unplayable tennis court and bought a new plastic “Keep Out” sign to be in my line of sight as well. The “No Trespassing” signs he’s had customized out of cabinet doors. They’ve got an antiqued pine finish and are standing about 4 feet out of the ground. How much of a freaking retard is this guy? You’d think that if you screwed a crappy fence into a tree that it would pretty much suggest to the people that live on the other side of the fence that you’d like them to keep out? Truth is, we don’t go into the yard. We USED to have an 8 foot high privacy fence to block out the fact that his property was in bad shape. He had us take that down so that he could install a crappy fence that he owned in the exact location, and then added the No Trespassing Signs to compliment the fact that he’s a prick. A prick named Mohammad.

Today is a holy day of obligation (I missed) and I’m praying to Mother Mary to take this prick out. Violently. Certainly his actions are not producing good Karma? I mean, why now? Why after 10 years of owning a piece of property does one show that he’s an asshole? Why not before? We cooperated with him. And this is the punishment? Why does someone do this?

And lead us not into temptation, but protect us from evil. I want the evil bastard to die. Forgive me Father….

My mother called Mohammad White Trash, but I told her that was a racially incorrect reference

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His wife, Mrs. Mohammad walked obediently behind him…10 paces behind with her eyes to the ground.

This is our fence…prior to the story

Let me just start by saying, I really don’t care who you pray to. But here’s the stuff on my obnoxious neighbor, Mohammad Vas(and then I’ll spell the rest of his name later after I take a big sIGH.

Back in 2007, we purchased our home…with an 8 foot high professionally installed fence in the back yard. Based on the posts that we cast in concrete, it had been there in some shape or form since 1995 when the house was first built. In May, the night before we were to leave for Daufuskie, I hear noise coming from behind the fence. It’s a strange noise, like someone was walking back there. Now, there is an abandoned home that is totally overgrown with weeds and the 3.5 acres of land are overgrown as well. There is also a tennis court, which has trees growing out of the cracks and no net. Frankly, it’s a mess. And, an eyesore. My research had told me that the house was purchased by Mohammad Va(deep sigh) in 1998 for $700,000. I got up from my new patio furniture and carried myself and my glass of red wine over to the back yard to see what was going on. There he was…big bug eyes, a small olive skinned man, about 5 foot 4, and his wife, walking obediently 10 paces behind (and I’m not joking…)

I introduced myself and reached out my hand to shake his. He did not reciprocate. Instead he said quite sternly, “Dis Fence is coming down!”

To which I replied, “Excuse me?”

Again, he stated in his accent, which based on linquistics and his demure obedient wife (with her eyes looking to the ground, still 10 paces behind) was of the Middle Eastern dialect, “Dis fence is gone! How long it beeeeen here?”

To which I replied, “I believe about 14 years.”

I again introduced myself, said it was SOOO nice to meet him, and the little man turned his back on me and stormed up his property into the weeds. His wife, Mrs. Mohammad walked obediently behind him…10 paces behind with her eyes to the ground.

This is America! 

I went to get John and told him the situation that was going on in the back yard. He too went to the back and peeped over the fence and little Va(long sigh) was gone. We left for Daufuskie and our summer travels the next day.

Upon our return in August, we receive a certified letter from an attorney saying that we’d be sued unless we removed the fence which according to the survey was EIGHT INCHES on his property. That’s bigger than, well….I don’t need to say.

Back and forth we went with the attorney. We agreed to take down the fence, but wanted to know what he intended to put in it’s place. On Friday, the night before the fence came down Mr. Va(long Sigh’s) attorney, Creepy Calhoun, let us know that Mr. Vasign would put up another fence that looked like our fence, or landscaping, or whatever we wanted in it’s place. John immediately called him back and said, “we’d appreciate the landscaping, like Leyland Cypress or American Holly please.”

Saturday the fence came down.

Sunday little man showed up to review our work.

Monday….This was installed.

They screwed the sections into our tree!

Look at this shit.

They didn’t even cleanup the posts!

Notice the craftsmanship. The detail.

It’s not over.

The Suburban Martyr is PISSED.

Surprising Miss Polly

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When I say Nothing.  I mean, Nothing besides play golf.

Six months ago I mentioned to my father that we better come up with something for my sainted mother’s 65 birthday party. It fell on deaf ears.

Six weeks ago I brought it up again, but this time with a plan and gave him instructions which were:

1. Call Colony Cottage and book the room for her birthday

2. Make a guest list and get the invitations out

Last Friday, which was five days before the party was going to occur, I get a phone call from my father I thought was telling me the number of people that were coming to the party so that I could coordinate with the caterer. Well, it appeared that King had done nothing. When I say “Nothing”, I mean, “Nothing besides play golf”…I freaked.

Here I was, about to load my family AGAIN in the car for a visit specific to the birthday party, and there was no party planned. I immediately swept into action. I cracked my mother’s email account to get a list of her friends names and email addresses, I put the invitation online at EVITE and I called the location to reserve the room. I engaged her close friends to supply me with names, I called Publix to get the cake….but noone would take my calls as it was now Saturday and nothing was going to be open until Monday.

We needed to get to Florida by Monday a.m. in order to have a chance of throwing the party by Wednesday.

We arrived Sunday night. No mention of the party around my father, he apparently “forgot” why I was there, and made arrangements to play golf on Monday and Tuesday….ALL DAY. It was just appalling.

My mother was sulking around the house as if we had all forgotten that our world should revolve around her, that we didn’t care, on and on it went. Making me feel guilty about something I shouldn’t feel guilty about in the first place….

My father….I can’t even describe. Appalling.

The party gods were behind me and it went off and she was shocked….Apprentice winner I would be for that one, and King would be fired.

I left aggravated and felt like a big punching bag.

My pending fake pregnancy

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She Pats my Belly and gives me a waist squeeze and then said, “You’re Lying!”

I’m not pregnant let’s just get that cleared and out of the way. But, again, I have been accused of being pregnant…by my mother in law. Again, I self insult to forgive a woman who is also carrying a bit of “baggage”. I swear that I’m not, and then she does what one should never do…SHE PATS MY BELLY AND GIVES ME A WAIST SQUEEZE and said “you’re lying!”

I about died.

It’s the dress. My new style of comfort running the streets of New Orleans on the family vacation is empire waist dresses… throw over your head, zipperless dresses. I mean…It’s New Orleans and all you are can do here is eat, and drink. I wanted to be sure to pack that which would go from day into night and give me a little breathing room for the planned order of bread pudding….

Meanwhile, she tells me how wonderful John looks and that he almost looks too thin.

I’m at a total loss for my weight. Because of the ridiculous “detox” algea regimen that we have purchased, I no longer am drinking Diet Coke and get my fizz fix with Miller Lite. Then, it’s the summer…so bottles of red wine on the back porch are not out of the question and are actually anticipated….frequently.

So, self reflection here…I probably need to do a few more (adding from NONE) sit ups, maybe show up at yoga more than once a quarter, oh, yeah, and probably cut back on the six pack… but it’s summer and it’s too hot to work out and I’m extremely dehydrated from the algea pills.

Beer in the corner grocery is cheaper than water, and the gas prices are at the all time high. A mom’s gotta cut corners somewhere.

Agree?

Insulting Pregnancy AKA “You Look Fat”

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So I arrive, lipstick on, hair brushed, and armpits shaven…and I get, “So, when are you expecting?”

Well, we’re here. I think we’re on day 13 or something like that. Had a continual visitation roster, but it’s been wonderful to see people it a very relaxed environment. If I could only bring this type of peace back with me to my other world.

Lille came down with another bout of pancreatitis, and being on an island, there really isn’t a vet close by. Made a phone call to the vet and she suggested giving her 1/2 of a Zantac 75. I went to the general store, and voila – chopped that baby in half and popped it in the little schnauzer’s mouth…two hours later she had a bit of pep in her step. I wouldn’t say that she’s cured, but during dinner last night she was sniffing the floor for any scraps that might come her way and I don’t think I’ll be spending my day in Bluffton with a dog hooked up to an IV.

Tennis and an insulting pregnancy

Last week I played tennis competitively for the first time since that fateful day at Avila. Tennis with women is no different than it was two years or twenty years ago. Give me a break! I signed up (well, actually I went to the tennis pro and said that if anyone needed a partner that I would be happy to play). He FINALLY called me with a partner, a wonderful lady who spends about one week a month here on the island, and we entered the four team island tournament. We got creamed the first match…our opponents just fired at her for the fifty minute match…but by match two, the consolation round, her game was back on, and I was ready to oblige. We had a three hour duel…a showdown… and pulled it out with our endurance. 6-7 (7-9), 7-6 (7-5), 6-2. No one has called me to play. But the score isn’t my point with my observation. Here’s what was said….but before I do that, let me describe what I wore for match 1… A Nike DriFit empire waist lavender tennis dress with pencil pleats, the same design worn by Maria Sharapova at some point two years ago, when I bought the stupid thing. Also, as a little big of background, I was born with a birth defect called “Pectus Excavatum”, which basically means my chest or pectoral bone caves in and my boobs end from a side profile at my rib cage. From a front profile, I have beautiful cleavage. From the side, I look flat chested, and pregnant.

Arriving for match 2, I was wearing another tennis team number from my days playing for Avila. I wore it instead of the built in tennis skirt thing because I felt the spandex shorts looked a little too butch atheltic for me and a padded bra.

So I arrive, lipstick on, hair brushed, and armpits shaven…and I get, “So, when are you expecting?”

“What????”

“Someone yesterday said you are pregnant and having your fourth child”

Then another said, “That dress you were wearing looked like a maternity dress!”

Then another said, “Yeah, they said you were expecting”

“Oh dear God, No”, then realizing self consciously that I must appear fat in my size 6 outfit but also looking that their rolls coming over their tennis panties, I self insult, “I’m just fat”.

“So you aren’t pregnant?”

“NO!!!! GOD HELP ME!”

“That dress you wore yesterday made you look pregnant”

Wow. Silence. No apology of their insult or comment came. They just looked at me. Then one broke the awkward silence saying, “Shall we get started?”

And the wound penetrated. I mean, isn’t asking if someone is pregnant one of the biggest faux pas ever? Especially since, well, if they are just bloated, it’s an insult? What about having a fucking birth defect? It’s as bad as asking someone with little arms if they why they don’t want to play basketball!

Women are all the same. Even it you are an absolutely harmless stranger, they get their guard up and especially in tennis, roll their eyes, exclude you, and saunter off without you. Think before speaking ladies!

So we started. I didn’t know what to do, or how to play it. Were these women serious? It was just like the days of Avila.

So, after my inner battle of wanting to be accepted, after being insulted, I fired it up a notch. Not so much that I would have been detected as anything other than a 4.0 tennis player, but enough for Adele and I to win. I passed on the Luau at the pool for the awards and celebration. I went home to stitch up my wounds.

Self Reflection

John left on Monday and went to New York. Lille came down with Pancreatitis. I spent Monday with the kids and for an experiment stuck a sock in my boob. Put on the infamous dress. Turned sideways…I no longer looked pregnant. So I’ve decided that if I get bigger boobs, ones that just give me the same size that I have, but go beyond my caved in rib cage, I may bypass the pregnancy rumors once and for all.