25 Things About Me

25 Things About Me

1. I was once a foster parent when John and I first got married (she was 15), and I thought I could find Amanda Lester on Facebook. I haven’t found her...yet, but I've found everyone else that ever meant anything to me.

2. I love to laugh, and spend my day trying to see humor in what I find to be my purgatory. I love to LOL and can make myself laugh by creatively expressing what I know that everyone else is thinking but is still “being Kool”. Without a doubt “The Office” makes me laugh. John and I say we’re going to convert our basement to the set of The Office and get Dunder Mifflin coffee cups. My favorite episode is Moroccan Christmas. I met John at “the Office”.

3. I used the F bomb daily as a noun, verb, adjective, and adverb and can conjugate it with ease and expertise. I’ve also replaced individual’s first and last names with it. I probably owe my kids a million dollars for its frequency of use, but I have a great life insurance policy, so I promise them that “I’m good for it”. The best part is that my kids don’t every say it unless we’re singing the “Name Game” and using “Chuck”.

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4. I hate talking on the phone because I’m losing my hearing and people sound like teachers on Charlie Brown. I have unlimited minutes on my cell and home phone, but I probably talk for 60 minutes a week. I prefer to write. My cell phone now says “Our Company Name” in case I need to call someone for John. If I’m making a personal call, I only call people if I’m driving in the car, which is probably not safe since my right ear is completely deaf and I drive with my left hand. I think those blue tooth headsets look idiotic, and so, I am dangerous on curvy roadways.

5. My mother is convinced that I purposefully put her into voicemail, but truthfully, I’m never home when the phone does ring, or if it does, it’s during dinner or I’m finally taking a shower. I can’t hear my cell phone ring. I’ve lost that tone level of my hearing. My mother’s favorite time to call me is at 8:50 a.m. right when I’m trying to get Miss M., whom I now call Scooter McGooter, out the door to school, or 7:59 p.m. when I’m trying to get the kids to bed and looking forward to finishing my bottle of wine and opening another – the one I’ll use for the next night’s marinade.

6. I stopped watching the news after 9/11, so I’ve stopped being articulate in the matters of government and foreign policy. However, even as a practicing Catholic, I believe that religion mixing with politics causes a lot of grief, and question how politicians end up rich after serving as public servants and don’t get the wealth of the Catholic church and get really fired up when they hand out post cards at mass (in triplicate) that I’m supposed to send to my Senator regarding any “ACT”. I’m not a politician because the pay sucks (or does it?) and there is no f’ing way I’d do anything to limit anyone’s rights. However, I do admire Bobby Jindal, and shall vote for him when he too runs for the Presidential Office. I’ll wear t-shirts, buttons, and call people on my cell phone. He’s f’ing smart.

7. John's mother once accused me of being “a saver”, meaning that I try to “save” people. I don’t think she meant it as a compliment, but it’s probably true. If I love you, I’ll be there with you until the end. Call me. I think that I instinctively put myself out there for people that least expect it, and I don’t jump for those that expect me to. Just don’t throw me under the bus once I pick you up on mine.

8. I have a brain that starts to calculates calculus equations right at the moment when I’m about to fall asleep. I think it’s because I got a 37 on my calculus exam in high school which caused me to lose my scholarship to SBC. Now, my brain is processing all day trying to make sure I have all my kids where they need to be during the day, and so at night it turns on to remind me that it has a purpose other than remembering grocery lists, homework, reading logs, afterschool activities, and who gets the skull pajamas out of the laundry basket.

9. I take Xanax every night before I turn out the light. See #8.  It's prescribed by the nanny napper.

10. I have two recurring dreams. The first is that I show up for an accounting exam and I have never attended a class. The second is that Sting is my lover and we have tantric sex. I don’t even know what tantric sex is, but I have it regularly with Sting.

11. I love my three children more today than I did three years ago, and more than yesterday too. Three years ago was really tough, we started the company and had to move away from Florida. Because we incorrectly priced our house, it took us a year to sell it and move to the new city. People hurt my feelings and moved on even before I moved away. I felt really isolated and learned my lesson. See #9.

12. My best friends are the same people that I loved when I was in 7th grade, add my husband and a roommate. Through FB, we “talk” everyday. I don’t trust a lot of people, but I’d give my pin numbers and passwords to my posse.

13. I hate having to watch my Ps& Qs. If you don’t have my back, than please don't pretend to have mine.  I've had my share of fair weathers, and I'm not interested in having more. I’ve never been into being popular, just loved. My heart as been broken thrice by men, and twenty by women. Oh, and you have to laugh WITH me. Not about me.

14. My favorite place in the world is Daufuskie Island. If I won the lottery I would move my family there and have my cousin Tasha pick up the check for me. She would be the librarian on the island. My other cousin, Leslie would be the teacher and her husband would build things. After the kids got off of school, we’d all sit on the porch overlooking the water and drink beer and eat pizza. Neither one has been there, but I know they’d move there with me if I won the lottery.  They are two of my favorite people in the world.

15. I want to buy a new car, but I only want to pay cash. I have this thing about debt and so I don’t charge anything, and only have a mortgage, besides my monthly AMEX card. I’m saving and waiting for an electric minivan or a golf cart. I save and wait for a lot of things that I can live without.

16. At least once a month, I will tell you that I haven’t spoken to my mother in over a week, which is odd. She now lives in the Villages with my father, and they have a very active social life. When she does call, she gets aggravated that I’m not into telling her every little detail of my day. It bothers me that she still thinks I need to ask her permission to do anything, and gets worked up that I may do something fun that doesn’t include her.  She hangs up on me at least once a month.

17. I try not to start drinking before 5:00 – every day. I’m a failure. My favorite beer is Miller Lite. It’s low carb, and I can drink several quickly without feeling burpy. I love red wine. I buy a case a week, and it’s typically all gone by Sunday, which sucks because you can’t buy alcohol on Sunday in Georgia.  I also love Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka and somehow have enough friends to help me drink a gallon jug of it each time we get together.  I swear I don’t drink alone.

18. I’ve lived in Mt. Laurel, Jeddah, Warrenton, Sweet Briar, St. Andrews, London, New York, New Orleans, Tampa, St. Simons, and now here.  (besides Daufuskie summers). I’d move back to London and move to Daufuskie.

19. When I die, I want to be cremated and sprinkled by the lighthouse on Daufuskie Island.

20. I write a Christmas letter every year and send it to our friends and family. It’s typically truthfully insane and it aggravates me that it has to be toned down because of my Ps and Qs. See number #13.

22. I didn’t particularly enjoy going to SBC, but my parents wouldn’t let me transfer out, and I tried multiple routes in order to leave. I found it really hard to make friends there. I came and went having the same friends that I started with. I went there because of the leadership of Ashley and she’s still plays her big sisterly role in my life. I had the same tennis partner in high school as I did in college. I’ve never had a better partner. I wonder if I’m her Ashley.

23. When I work for John (ssshhh....), I go by Sinclair Adams. It’s hard to have people take your seriously when you work for your husband (in my mind). I originally went by Lauren Adams, but I felt like I had multiple personalities, so I fired Lauren, and hired her very organized and highly qualified alter-ego. What totally sucks is that I sometimes forget to send an email out of Sinclair Adam’s account, so I inevitably have to come up with an explanation. Now that a portion of our clients know I’m John's wife, they are paying their bills with more frequency, and their emails are sweeter. I know, I’m crazy, but entrepreneurship is making me nuts.

24. I’m writing a book. I write the chapters in my head while folding the laundry and driving the kids around in the 2002 minivan, and then type the chapters out if I am not completely fried by the end of the day. I don’t think I’ll ever publish my book while my parents are alive. See #13.

25. “It’s a Sinclair Thing” is my motto. This list took five times longer than it should have; I got up to answer the phone, tripped over the laptop wire, and knocked over my wine glass, which destroyed my white carpeting that I just had cleaned this week. Now, I’m out of F’ng wine and John is out on the streets looking for club soda and Spot Shot.

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Name:  Sinclair Montgomery

Age:  Not yet 45

Location:  The Suburbs of the ATL

Best Friend:  John Montgomery

White Girl Problems®

White Girl Problems® It’s not really registered, but it makes it funnier.

Can I believe that I haven’t updated this place in two years?  Shouldn’t come as a surprise, I haven’t sent out my infamous Christmas letter either.  If I am completely honest, I just haven’t been inspired.  Something really shitty happened almost 3 years ago and I am STILL waiting for our legal system to put the dude in jail.  What sucks is that he was like a brother to us.  Another day I shall share that story.  But, hence the silence.  

In the meantime, life has been meaningful.  Truly turned around since I escaped to my island on a lifeline.  John’s business finally took off and hasn’t slowed down.  Guess that’s what happens when you just let go.  I never did go back to work.  Maybe it was the Firefly talking, but when the consulting firm called me as I was sitting on the beach with my three kids and the recruiting director told me that the only job they had for me would require 100% travel, instead of throwing myself into the surf, I looked out into the water and saw my three children swimming in the place that they love and surrendered to being a mom.  Never going back to work.  Just going to have to figure out something else to do.