Finding a golf ball in my boob

Twitter Yesterday:  The rain has just made my weekend even busier.  Can I get any busier?  I think not.  Just peed for the first time today.  I need Green Beer.

Dear Jesus.  It’s nothing right?  It’s just your way of giving me some more cushion in my bra?  I get it, but I really don’t have time for this right now.  I’ve got tennis matches to reschedule for Jack, I’ve got allergy shots to go to today for the last time twice a week for Jack, I’ve got bills to pay, taxes to finish, clients to collect from…Really, why are you testing me to see how much I can multi-task and accomplish in one week?  I’m great at it.  But, neither Jack nor John have hit their out of pocket for their medical issues, so this surprise is going to cost me.  What is the lesson here?  I already dye my hair myself, I haven’t gone shopping in quite some time, I really need to get to a psychiatrist because if this lump doesn’t drive my insanity level over the edge, I’m not sure what will.

Deem and Pass.  Does that mean when I try to get new health insurance they can’t reject me because I’m crazy?

Okay, so this is what is going on.  Last night it rained.  Jack had both his tennis clinic and tennis match later on cancelled, so I served up spaghetti early and was in my pajamas by 6:30, and the sisters were hanging free.  This isn’t typically the case, they are usually encased in my bra until I fall into bed at 10:14 each night.  So John leaves around 7:30 to go and play basketball at Church and I settle in on the chaise lounge to watch American Idol.  I somehow touched my boob because it itched, and it felt funny.  There was a knot right above my left breast.  What the F?  Um, when was the last time I did a self breast exam?  I don’t remember, but it wasn’t THAT long ago…I think I’m going to puke.

I lay on my back, completely flat, put my left arm over my head and felt some more.  The knot is about the size of a golf ball (I know this because this morning I used a Crayola marker to outline it).  It’s right above my nipple area and then goes into the aureola area.  It’s hard, it doesn’t move, and it’s ridgy/bumpy.  I know this because I had John feel me up this morning.  He did it with such determination and he wasn’t even getting sex out of it.

I called the doctor @8:31 this morning and have an appointment @11:20.  It’s nothing right?  Jesus, you are just seeing that I can accomplish just one more thing today, and your humor says that I can go through that mammogram machine since you have some wicked sense of humor.  I know you are man, because you have absolutely no idea what pain is like…well, yeah, you do know pain, and I admit, they way you chose to go has got to be worse…but come on!

Deep breath.  This is nothing right?

So off I go to the doctor.  Pits and legs shaved, makeup done, hair washed.

I SOOOOOOO don’t have time to be at the doctor today.  I have laundry to fold.

Are you doing this to me because I told John that I would rather have a day long pap smear than go to his executive retreat in April?

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