My Brilliant Career is Equivalent to the Stock Market

I’m figuring out a back up plan, and also praying for John’s clients to start paying.

We began to feel the pinch of this horrible economy around June with my husband’s consulting business taking a complete “strange quiet”.  It was so eerily quiet that we decided to postpone our 10 year wedding anniversary trip to London/Paris and concentrate on bringing in some business…of which there is none.  Our 8 month emergency fund is running low and I’m wearing layers in the house instead of putting on the heat (inside it’s a brisk 61 degrees, and my hands are a bit chilled)…outside 38.

June turned into July, July into August, August into September…. I’m a worrier, so I reached out to some of my old career cohorts to entertain the possibility of returning to my Brilliant Career, after convincing myself that if I did return to work, our house was equipped enough to hire an au pair to help with the Kids after school.  My responses were mildly depressing, to tell you the truth.  It was as if everyone was now admitting (because they had to) that their work had stalled as well and although my qualifications well exceeded their needs, and even with my desperation of “Hey, I haven’t been working for 6 years, I’ll give it a shot”, still, the world suffers.

I emailed my friends that had all made partner at their firms while I stayed at home breastfeeding and shooting out babies and potty-training.  All replied in various forms of politeness simply stating their firms were on a hiring freeze – and that the pipeline looked bleak through the end of 09 – so I’m not optimistic. I’ve taken everyones lack of interest as a polite lack of interest, so I think they are more worried about putting food on their own table, rather than giving me a job.

I had been working out as a way to pass the time and push away depressing thoughts, but my brother in law from NOLA came here for 3 weeks over Gustav, and because he’s over 300 lbs, he was pressured to work out around us, so he got on the treadmill and you guessed it…it broke. GREAT!

I’m running out of my anti-anxiety medication, and I’ve put a call into the Nanny Napper for a refill, however, she hasn’t returned my call. A very special part of my brain has been impacted by Oprah’s special shows with Suzy Orman and the Impact it has on Wall Street every time she has a guest appearance, and well, anti-anxiety medication does more wonders for my nighttime psyche than wine, and I function better driving during the day.  (I actually accidentally texted the Nanny Napper’s husband for the request…talk about patient/husband confidentiality).

Countless nights of Monster.com job hunting has lapsed to the point where I need to figure out something more entrepreneurial, and I think I’ve got just the idea – God, please forgive me, but when the world is depressed, our jobs are all outsourced so men buy donuts, surf the Internet, and watch …

I’m always moving forward, so maybe once I get the treadmill back up and running, I’ll be truly implementing my online exercise (cough cough) web cam business sooner than I’d get hired with a real job and abandon my kids with some Swedish Nanny…

I did get a call from a name brand bank- head of their online .com position…however…they want me to move to another state…Special!

Oh, and there was that headhunter that wanted me to be a staff position on a project for AT&T for 2 years…$40/hour…no benefits/no vacation…I kept saying “I don’t think that’s the right fit” and he kept saying, “How many years have you been programming HTML?”…I’d reply…”I managed those projects, and dot coms, but I’m not a programmer, although I know how to program, that’s just not the right fit for me”. I got off the phone with that guy and puked with the thought of a 9-5 drone position….so I’m working on my “wink wink” “NEW” “business”..wink wink… utilizing my experience as the COO/CTO of MyBossIsChargingHookersonthevisa.com when I learned that hookers take credit cards…Brilliant Career?  Should I mention that as a qualification on my resume?

I’ve already branded myself with my brilliant website name (ah, I can’t share that) and for the low low price of $9.99/month (take Pay Pal) I can entertain while walking on the treadmill, simultaneously hula hooping in my skivvies… Isn’t It BRILLIANT!!! Don’t laugh.. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

As for the treadmill though, I appear to not be the only owner of a treadmill that the control panel is shot, so it’s going to be another 6 weeks until the manufacturing is complete and shipped (how’s some of that off shore labor for you!!!) Gives me plenty of time to roll out the site, implement “Twitter” and get Skype conference going as well.  I’m going to use www.helpareporterout.com for my marketing.

I highly expect my target client to be online support personnel in Mumbai (I’m thinking about implementing a filter that they have to be in India so that my neighbors are not aware of my exercise…My cover is that I’m going to tell everyone “I’m dieting!” when REALLY my secret is hula hooping and walking 8 hours a day while the Swedish Nanny does the pick up, drop off, dinner making, laundry folding, bed making routine of my life….Visa now has penetrated India – and since they have so many people and so many jobs…well, my marketing plan is going to be specifically for them and my price point is PERFECT! With BILLIONS of people over there, I just need 10,000 subscribers to be A MILLIONAIRE and save for retirement on my beautiful island paradise!

Talk about Special!

So yeah, I’m still considering “my backup plan should the treadmill not get fixed”.  And I’m also praying that John’s client’s start to pay.

I guess I have to go run around the block or something and get some hair dye if I’m actually going to meet another living person besides my husband and three lovely children. When I started this journey, I had such a positive outlook, and now…I’m stuck in the deep deep abyss. My current look probably doesn’t cut it in the business office — you know, the deer in the headlights, haven’t bathed in a few days, and you don’t even care kind of look.

And you know what?  I’m not bathing today either.  It’s too damn cold to get naked.

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