Bitten by a Snake

 Just because a snake is sleeping doesn’t take away the fact that a snake is still a snake and the instincts are still there. 

Are you there, God?  It’s me.  Sinclair.  It’s been a while, but I’ve got plenty going on, a lot on my mind, and I’m out of Xanax.  Actually, I’ve been out of it for quite some time now.  I’m lying.  I have one left, but I know that today’s drama isn’t worth taking it. I can get through it, just might have to drink two glasses of Firefly.  

I’m hoping that John and Jack maximize the medical deductible soon, because I need a long hard session on a couch somewhere and hopefully some sort of solution that will help me sleep, be less jittery, and relieve some of this anxiety that wakes me up at 2:00 a.m.  Why is Xanax so hard to come by, and isn’t there something comparable that I can get at the grocery?  I just want to SLEEP through the night and not wake up worrying!

John is having some crazy medical issues.  Our insurance sucks, so his thyroid isn’t covered by our health insurance, we’ll be coming out of pocket whatever they decide it is he has.  His latest doctor has this passion to increase his own revenue by having John come in three times @$246/visit to see if he’s going to have to have a biopsy.  Hopefully John will talk him into having the nuclear scan and get on with it.  Hope to you it’s not cancer, if it is, that wouldn’t be appreciated.  I need to get to a shrink….

I’m having some real issues with Miss Polly.  Frank finally got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and all of my discussions with her are so stressful.  There is nothing that I can do, but her latest way to hurt my feelings is to tell me that she’s going to keep him away from stressful situations, and that insinuates “me”, and that she won’t be attending anything at my house if it means that John’s family will be here…and so, since Ashton’s birthday falls right after John’s, that means that John’s family would probably be here visiting, and so….well…..yep, she’s not going to be here for Ashton’s birthday, or Ashton’s first communion, or Mignonne’s birthday, or Mother’s Day, or well, anything that would require my father to experience stress or her to have to deal with my in-laws.  I made the mistake of telling her that she had to stop, and so she hung up on me.  Won’t hear from her until who knows, but I’m not calling.  I’ve had enough, and I have plenty on my plate.  I’m hoping not to get one of her notorious emails to add to my coffee table book collection, but it’s just a matter of time.

Polly thinks I’m the devil.

I’ve decided to pick my battles, and unfortunately, every time I talk to my mother, she picks a fight, doesn’t like my tone, or we just argue over shit that doesn’t matter.  This summer after her battle with me over my estranged sibling and those hateful emails from her, I just refuse to discuss with her what is going on with me or my personal life, which probably has caused her so to express even more animosity towards me, so I have decided that I just need to focus on the things that I can turn into positive things, and not focus on things that keep me up at night.

A friend once said to me, just because a snake is sleeping doesn’t take away the fact that a snake is still a snake and the instincts are still there.  God, I pray for my friend to have the strength to do what is right for her survival.  It’s hard to be the one to put the lock on the door and throw away the key.

John just brought home some Crystal Lite.  Gotta add it to my fly.

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