Giving Birth, I’m just telling you the truth

No One Told Me I’d be shooting a bowling ball out of my ass, but that is exactly what happened.

No one told me I’d be Shooting a bowling ball out of my ass, but that is what happened. Everyone forgets the really bad stuff, like the kind of pushing that is required to push an eight pound melon out of your vagina is the same kind of pushing when you’re constipated, so in addition to having a beautiful baby boy, I also had a lot of poop to eliminate. It’s the impolite truth of the birthing process. After the pushing, hemorrhoids now take up residence in my butt and remind me quite frequently of their existence.

The highly acclaimed c-section

I speak only from experience, but I would much rather sign up for a c-section than the vaginal birth nightmare. Granted, the drugs given are very similar, but the recovery after a c-section is much easier. I’ve had all three of my Children 10 days prior to the due date, due to “Big Baby” syndrome. Ashton was estimated at 11 lbs 4 oz two weeks before this due date, so my Dr. God Morales opted for the C-section and I never looked back. Your coochie doesn’t get imploded and pushing out a bowling ball out of your vagina that has only had a sausage visit hurts more than having your guts put out on an operating table (my opinion of course…I speaketh the truth only).

Eat lots of italian food, spaghetti, lasagna, pizza…I think it’s the tomato sauce and spice combination, but that gets it started…sex too helps, but I’m sure like me that is the farthest thing from your mind. My eyes are crossed, but I’ve just enjoyed watching the first episode of “Desperate Housewives” during feeding Mignonne and getting the boys down for a nap (we have Tivo, which makes ME a better mother). Anyway, we’re hanging tight here.

John and I just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary last night and we bought a new digital SLR camera so that I can take pictures of our children on a regular basis…(none have been taken since early September!!!)

Mignonne is screaming her head off and the boys are up to no good…It’s a daily dose of 3 screaming kids around here, I knew there was a reason why my hearing was failing me…God IS watching out for me. God willing, Ashton is going to start the official potty training, and Jack started school “4 Pre-K”. Mignonne is a day owl, but she sleeps 13 hours at night, so I guess John can count his blessings. Pray for me, I’m hanging on by a hangnail…

So now three kids into it, Ashton is in the garage trying to hot wire the minivan, he wants to go get Krispy Kreme, Jack is rehearsing movie lines in the playroom, and Mignonne has broken out into the playground and is eating wet sand for breakfast…

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